Welcome to my site about my struggle with weight loss and food addiction, to accept and love myself and to be healthy and remain independent.

My History / Background

As long as I can remember I have had weight issues. I was a chubby child and in high school had the nickname "Big Bertha". It wasn't easy. I remember going to Weight Watchers as a teenager but it didn't help even back then. Sure I probably lost a few pounds at the beginning but it always comes back.

I married early (at age 20) because I had very low self esteem at that time. I never dated in high school and so when someone asked me to marry him I honestly thought it would be my only chance at a normal life and to be loved. So I said yes. I can't say I was unhappy, it was a mostly happy marriage and the breakup had nothing to do with my weight. But I look back now and realize I was never in love and we should have just remained friends. I am still good friends with my ex husband who has now remarried.

I have to admit that the internet has helped alot in helping me accept who I am and to know that there are people out there who love women who are large. I now am able to hold my head up high when I go out and not be embarassed about my size.

So why do I want to lose weight? My biggest fear is being one of those obese people you hear about on tv, that can't get out of bed without help, that need someone to wipe their butt and stuff. I live alone and am very independent and losing that independence scares the hell out of me.

I also love to travel and right now because of my weight air travel is pretty much out of the picture and I can't walk far before my back starts hurting so I can't even do much sightseeing. And of course I want to live a long and healthy life.

Up until a year ago I had been very healthy except for being overweight. But now it's starting to get to me. Last year I was diagnosed with diabetes and I'm starting to get arthritis.